Please this is a long write up so please pardon me
Tonight’s event has proven to me that I mean little or nothing to him. I won’t say I did nothing wrong but sometimes you do something without much thoughts but he feeds on it like a leech and finds everything wrong.
Agreed, I’m the black sheep of the family but how that started remains a mystery to me. Right from even before I knew my name I was severely beaten like an animal for every offence you could think of, peeing on the bed, playing outside, looking under my mom’s wrapper (who taught me this at that age remains a mystery). I was treated like an outcast like I just jumped out of my mom’s womb. He even told me that if my mom was not a Christian he would have questioned my parentage.
Where did I go wrong as a child to deserve all manner of punishments, from collecting 42 strokes Unclad with my eyes and genitals ridden with fresh pepper to getting locked in my room from dawn till dusk without food nor water to getting flogged for even getting home from school ten minutes late to getting disgraced in front of my friends because of trival issues up to the point that I barely allow my friends to know my house because I hated embarrassing questions.
Even though I am demonic who should be blamed? God for allowing me out like that or myself for getting stubborn while still a baby.
He claims I have done nothing good in this life despite all my efforts, despite killing all my dreams because of his quest and desire to make me a medical doctor which I’m not even bleeping close to been presently.
I have always been treated unfairly like a slave, even if he says I have never done anything good I can freshly remember how I tried my little best to send my elder sis dozens of airtime and some cash when she started University even though I never saw anything when I got into higher institution or when I saved up to 25k with my mum and tried to borrow a little for a need that arosed and was barraged with the “what have you payed for in this house” taunt till that money entered one chance. You might say that’s a tad sum but I was just 15 then and I was getting paid a miserly N350 a day which I fed and transported from.
Maybe because he runs a military regime in the house and his decisions whether good or bad is final. I became a black sheep because I try to counter some of his decisions, he called me a bastard for trying to follow my dreams, I’m called an animal because I choosed to do things contrary to his desire despite knowing that I am right sometimes.
Most times I come home frustrated, tired and down in spirit but they expect me to suddenly answer every calls with a wide smile, sometimes I’m called from my room while my younger ones are seated with them to go pick something just a few yards away because they believe I’m busy pressing phone inside and that’s idleness.
I have lost a movie contract, a book and even a blog sponsorship because I know that telling him about it would lead to more harm than good, I had to give out the movie script free because I could not make an all expensed paid journey. Not even a Christian seminar in Abuja just 2 hours journey away from my location could convince him to let me go because he saw it as a useless waste of money(my own money) , so how can I be that good child he wants, by sitting at home all day maybe. Everyday I try to put up a smiling face in public despite the turmoil in my heart.
Tonight’s saga broke my heart, just because I was going out to buy detergent and been asked by my mother I answered but she did not hear me, I was made to kneel down and hear his rants on how I was every degoratory insult he could think off.
What broke my heart was he telling me that he wishes I die like the Kogi state governor and join the man in hell since I had determined to go there.
Tonight I shed tears in my heart because I can’t fathom them out of my dry eyes anymore. This days coming back home is like coming to hell, I’m really tired and depressed seriously, I’m not sure I had reached a week without getting reprimanded for minor issues others do and go free.
Please come to my rescue before I go completely psycho, and please don’t say moving out of the house or talking to him is an option, because it’s like you trying to talk to a soldier man that wields a loaded weapon, any thing you say becomes a challenge to his authority.